So Close
by struckbylightening
Summary: Ziva's so close, but there's still so much distance she can't cover and Abby's completely unaware. Blatant Tiva and McAbby but there's suggestions of some other stuff too. Rated to be safe for later chapters.


_A/N: Don't own NCIS, don't own the song which is 'So Close' by Jon McLaughlin. I hope you enjoy the fic – yes I know it's a slushy, slashy songfic but I think it's quite good!! _

So Close

_You're in my arms  
And all the world is calm  
The music playing on for only two  
_

The room was filled with silence; not an uneasy air of emptiness that haunts silence so often, but a silence that was just there. Nothing needed to be said and so none of them would say a word. And yet the silence did different things to the two of the people it surrounded. To one it brought fear; fear of her own feelings, inevitably and to the other it brought the calmness and the serenity that was so sought after. Still, both were verging on the edge of consciousness, as sleep twisted its fingers around the two. The dim room cast shadows across them both, their faces barely visible even to those closest to them. To the men who held the two women, the silence provided a welcome relief. It was so calm after the madness.

The room in its dim light hid most of the evidence from the extensive alcohol consumption of earlier. It had been less of the dinner party that had been planned than any of them had expected. Still as Ziva curled up on the sofa, Tony's arms wrapped tightly around her slender frame, she began to reflect. She had drunk less than the rest of them and so her mind contained none of the clouded thoughts and bad judgments that marred the other three. Her eyes drifted from the incredibly attractive man that held her to the other woman who lay in the room.

_So close together  
And when I'm with you  
So close to feeling alive_

Curled up with her feet wrapped around McGee, lay the most beautiful woman Ziva David had ever seen. Though the darkness made actually seeing her face impossible, but Ziva had memorized every angle, every curve, and every little detail in the hours she had spent studying it. Still, she sighed lying back into the arms of her lover, who was half asleep by this time. She gently turned his wrist around so that the face of the watch he wore was visible. It was late. They had to work tomorrow and she was in no mood to deal with moody co-workers blaming her and her 'stupid party' as she knew it would be referred to in light of a hangover.

Moving Tony's arms from her stomach she stood up, flicking on the light switch much to the disapproval of the other three. Groan's and cries of 'switch it off!' echoed behind her as she picked up the phone. To the three that lay in the newly lit up room in a drunken slumber, few words were audible, until she flopped back onto the sofa beside Tony. The lights left Abby and McGee clearly visible, snuggled together, their legs intertwined almost as a sign of their love. There was a perverse fascination that wouldn't allow her to tear her eyes from the two of them, however hard she tried.

It was only as they heard the sound of a vehicle, the taxi Ziva had ordered, pulling up outside the building could the woman pull her eyes away from Abby and McGee. Pulling Tony from his seat in the sofa, the woman spoke her first words to any of the that she had spoken in close to an hour.

"That'll be the taxi I ordered for you and McGee"_  
_

_A life goes by  
Romantic dreams will stop  
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew_

With a few groans she walked with them both down the stairs and to where the taxi was waiting. Helping Tony into the cab first she then offered a hand to other man. McGee, drunk though he was, raised a brow at the female. His words were slurred slightly, though his speech was still understandable. Just about.

"What about Abby? She has to get home too."

Ziva offered McGee a shrug, "I figured she'd spend the night here, If you look at her" Ziva's own gaze fell on the Goth, who was still lying curled up on the sofa, "She's in no state to go home alone tonight.". As McGee raised a hand, she quickly shot him down, "No McGee, you're a mess too. It's better that she stays at my place, yes?"

She was surprised by how easily he agreed to let Abby stay, he promised to call to check how she was later and the conceded to get into the cab with Tony and go home leaving a drunken Abby alone with Ziva, Though Ziva's thoughts were not on the highly attractive woman who lay on the sofa before her. They were selfish thoughts.

_So close was waiting, waiting here with you  
And now forever I know  
All that I wanted to hold you  
So close_

_It's not about being gay; it's about who you fall in love with_, her thoughts told her. Yet she knew, even with a look towards the slumbering girl that it **did** matter what your sexuality was. She couldn't be the same Ziva David she was when the world saw her as heterosexual is she was openly in love with a woman. A slim appendage reached out and stroked through the tangled black locks that the Goth wore in bunches. And how could she do that to Abby and Tim? They seemed so happy together after all.

Yet, even though she thought this, all she wanted to do was to sweep the girl up into her arms and hold her tight. Wiping the smudged makeup from Abby's cheek, Ziva began to clear the mess of the evening, empty bottles and glasses were thrown into the bins and into the sink. The cleaning up could wait until tomorrow. Still through the clink of the glass she heard a voice crying out.

"Ziva?"

Throwing what remained of the glasses in her hand onto any available surface, she ran back into the room where Abby lay. Still curled up on the sofa, smeared make up covering each of her features sat a sad looking girl. She held her arms out to Ziva, beckoning her to come closer. _I shouldn't do this… it's not sensible._Yet she did. Seating herself beside the Goth she placed a questioning look upon her face.

"Ziva… I'm cold. Can I have a blanket please?"

With said item delivered, and Abby huddled up inside it, she began to talk

_So close to reaching that famous happy end  
Almost believing this was not pretend_

_And now you're beside me and look how far we've come  
So far we are _

_So close_

"You and Tony… you look so happy together. McGee said he wouldn't be surprised if you and him were married by next year . Ooooh! We could have a joint wedding… I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love Timmy and I never thought I could love him this much, but I do, Ziva, I do… Are you crying?"

A hand wiped across her face, as a fake smile was planted there to hide the tear stains. A head was shaken and a heart had been broken. _So that's how everyone see's me. At least I got one of my wishes, no one will ever no that I had feelings for another woman. I'm far too heterosexual for that…_

Another bitter sob threatened to escape as Abby looked up at her, eyes wide and filled with sympathy. For some reason she was taken back in her memories to her first days at NCIS. The tension between them, she would admit she was equally to blame for the friction that had existed. But now when she looked upon that face, all she felt was love. Even if the only love she could hold was that for a friend, she knew she would never let it go.

_How could I face the faceless days  
If I should lose you now?  
_

"We should go to sleep now Abby. We have work tomorrow."

It took all her power to wrench every inch of sadness from her voice as she spoke. But she did it. She was Ziva David, Mossad Officer and resident Ice Queen on NCIS after all. The other girl nodded; snuggling down on the sofa under the patchwork blanket she had been brought. She looked up for a few seconds, looking Ziva straight in the eyes. It felt as though she was looking into her soul; as though she could see everything that she was thinking. Reaching up she pulled her friend into one of her renowned hugs

"I love you, Ziva."

Such a casually used phrase. A gesture of friendship and yet it sent her insides tumbling. Surely the Goth did not realise what such words did to her or they would not have been said. Her eyes fell back on the girl, who had fallen into a peaceful yet drunken slumber soon after her proclamation. With a final glance she left the girl asleep on the sofa.

_We're so close  
To reaching that famous happy end  
And almost believing this was not pretend  
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are  
_

When she returned, she held a sleeping bag, a bucket and a bottle of water. The bucket was placed in easy reach for Abby to get should she need it in the night and the bottle was placed on the table next to Abby's head. Opposite the sofa, Ziva placed the sleeping bag.

Crossing the few steps needed to reach the girl, Ziva looked down a hand stroking the pale cheek. She was so beautiful. Not trusting herself to go any closer, she turned away and climbed into her sleeping bag.

She would sit here and watch over her. She could reach out and touch her hand if she needed comfort in the night. And yet, Ziva David knew that Abby would never be able to provide her with the comfort she longed for. But that was okay, she had known that since these feelings had emerged. Friendship would be enough, had to be enough.

_So close  
So close  
And still so far_

And there she was, in touching distance, yet still a million miles away from her.

_A/N: I know it's long and you might hate it but as always – criticism is always welcomed as are compliments! Thank you! _


End file.
